In today’s installment, I’m gonna let you guys in on a little secret. While I aced elementary school and high school, and even graduated from a decent college, it seems I have little to no common sense. We’ve been suffering through pi$$ poor water pressure in our shower for upwards of 6 months. And when I say poor, I mean sitting under the shower head for at least an hour just to get my hair totally wet. It’s been painful. This past weekend we had a friend in town, and after showering he said “man you guys gotta get that shower fixed!” Duh Scott – we KNOW this!
Hours later, after sitting on the sofa simmering in my own hung over stench (because I was avoiding the shower you see) I saw a commercial. In it, the man had a pair of dentures and a shower head on a counter. “what do these two things have in common?” he asked the audience as I wondered if my blank stare was shared with any of the other viewers out there. “You can clean both of these with Efferdent!” he cheerily responded. “This should get your water pressure back to normal in no time!”
This is when the light went on in my head. Hmm, could it be that easy? I was already imaging horrible leaks in the pipes or something equally dreadful. I went into the garage to grab the old shower head (because unfortunately I didn’t have Efferdent in my medicine cabinet) and voila! The most amazing shower pressure I have ever experienced!!
Now – does anyone have a remedy for puckered skin?
Monday, August 27, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sit Ubu Sit
Once again I've been suckered into watching the Dog Whisperer. And once again, I'm determined to curb Prancer's bad habits. I'm not foolin' myself here, I don't think I'll ever break him of the habit of licking his own private parts (and I really don't have the heart to rob him of this pleasure anyway). I'm talking about the whole bark-at-strangers-and-even-people-I-know-along-with-little-kids-and-the-postman habit. Apparently it's all about the exercise (which I don't give him), discipline (which I give him but incorrectly) and THEN affection (which he gets without having to work for it). I feel bad. Apparently my lack of this regimen has made him anxious and mentally unstable (or at least not as mentally healthy as he should/could be). So basically it's my fault that he's crummy to people and by default, unlovable to anyone but us.
We started today with a long walk (in which I led him, not the other way around), followed by some sitting and finished up with a belly rub. I call that progress for the first day. Tomorrow I'm going to teach him how to make me a vanilla soy latte, no foam.
We started today with a long walk (in which I led him, not the other way around), followed by some sitting and finished up with a belly rub. I call that progress for the first day. Tomorrow I'm going to teach him how to make me a vanilla soy latte, no foam.
Proof
In case you non-believers didn't really think I tried the snuff, here's the incriminating photo.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The cable guy
After returning from a great trip to Minneapolis on Sunday, we plopped on the sofa to watch a little Entourage. 'Cept when I turned on the TV, the cable wasn't working. At almost the exact same moment, I heard Lance cursing the computer. The modem was out as well. Oh $hit I thought. Did I forget to pay the bill?? Wouldn't be the first time this has happened (not that they've ever shut off my service though!). I got on the phone and dialed time warner (thank goodness I'd paid my cell phone bill!). After going through a lengthy explanation about the bill the customer service rep tells me "um, we haven't shut off your service - something else must be going on. We'll have to send someone out" Ooops!
So the next day the cable guy shows up two hours late. He immiedately begins working outside, climbing ladders, drilling into the house, etc. all before he even comes inside. When he finally did knock, Prancer the attack dog lost his mind and almost bit the poor guy. After shooing the dog outside, mr. cable man started messing with the DVR. All still without a word. So I say, "so, did you have to replace the line?" and he says "yeah". Not satisfied with his response I say "oh, did one of those lousy squirrels bite through it?" and he says "looks like a big truck came by and ripped off the line" Ok, good enough for me. I let the man get back to his job and went into the kitchen to wash dishes (because I didn't know what else to do). Again, thoughts came creeping into my head (just like with the stoic cab driver at 4 am who I was convinced was going to murder me). The internal monologue in my head was something like this "Geez, I'm home alone. This guy could totally attack me. Good thing I'm washing this knife - ooh, my back is to him...I should probably turn around." Honestly, I think I've seen one too many Lifetime movies.
After an hour and a half working at our house, the cable guy leaves with some instructions for the DVR setup. He says if it's not done rebooting in half an hour I should give him a call. Well, of course the half hour goes by and the dang thing doesn't work. By this time, it's 9:00 pm and I'm pretty sure he won't come back to fix it. But Lance calls him anyway. This poor cable guy was STILL working, and more impressive than that, came back to our house at 10:30 to give us a new DVR box! That's some serious work ethic. So I'm sorry Mr. Cable Man that I thought you might murder me. Thank you thank you thank you for fixing my cable. Now I can resume the business of watching back-to-back episodes of The Hills and Newport Beach while surfing fabulous websites like perezhilton.com!
So the next day the cable guy shows up two hours late. He immiedately begins working outside, climbing ladders, drilling into the house, etc. all before he even comes inside. When he finally did knock, Prancer the attack dog lost his mind and almost bit the poor guy. After shooing the dog outside, mr. cable man started messing with the DVR. All still without a word. So I say, "so, did you have to replace the line?" and he says "yeah". Not satisfied with his response I say "oh, did one of those lousy squirrels bite through it?" and he says "looks like a big truck came by and ripped off the line" Ok, good enough for me. I let the man get back to his job and went into the kitchen to wash dishes (because I didn't know what else to do). Again, thoughts came creeping into my head (just like with the stoic cab driver at 4 am who I was convinced was going to murder me). The internal monologue in my head was something like this "Geez, I'm home alone. This guy could totally attack me. Good thing I'm washing this knife - ooh, my back is to him...I should probably turn around." Honestly, I think I've seen one too many Lifetime movies.
After an hour and a half working at our house, the cable guy leaves with some instructions for the DVR setup. He says if it's not done rebooting in half an hour I should give him a call. Well, of course the half hour goes by and the dang thing doesn't work. By this time, it's 9:00 pm and I'm pretty sure he won't come back to fix it. But Lance calls him anyway. This poor cable guy was STILL working, and more impressive than that, came back to our house at 10:30 to give us a new DVR box! That's some serious work ethic. So I'm sorry Mr. Cable Man that I thought you might murder me. Thank you thank you thank you for fixing my cable. Now I can resume the business of watching back-to-back episodes of The Hills and Newport Beach while surfing fabulous websites like perezhilton.com!
Monday, August 13, 2007
Wedding bells in Minnesooo-ta
We just returned from our friend Mike's wedding this past weekend in Minnesota. It was a really beautiful wedding held at the bride's parents house which is on a lake. I can't imagine how much time and work these people put into getting the yard in perfect condition - but it was really amazing. Aside from the great view and dancing the funky chicken, what was really special about the wedding was how all of the family came together to help. Apparently the uncles made the dinner, the aunts helped with the yard, and Mom was out until 2 am the night before mowing the expansive lawn. Now that's what I call love!
Ok, the wedding was great and all, but the rehearsal dinner wasn't too shabby. Mike and Jerah kept it real by having everyone over to the Gasthof zur Gemutlichkeit. No readers, that's not me coughing up a hairball. The Gasthof is a great restaurant / german hall / polka bar that serves up heaping piles of meat, beer in a glass boot (brings new meaning to the term "community"), and snuff up your nose! After several rounds of that darn boot, followed by a shot of apple something-or-other, followed by the good 'ol battle cry of "ziggy zaggy, ziggy zaggy, hoi hoi hoi", let's just say I was feeling a little adventurous. After some arm-twisting by Dani, I decided to go all out and try some snuff. If it was good enough for lords and ladies back in the day, surely it was good enough for me. I asked the waitress for a baby snuff, which, I'm pretty sure isn't a real term. She hooked me up, put the piles on the crazy catapult contraption, counted to three and SNIFFFFFFFFFFF. Holy sh*t, mother-f*cker, $#*$&#^%!!! That snuff burned, then cooled, and ended in one grand finale of sneezing. That ended my streak of insanity for the evening, although, I came to realize when I woke up the next morning and blew my nose.....snuff is the gift that keeps on giving.
Ok, the wedding was great and all, but the rehearsal dinner wasn't too shabby. Mike and Jerah kept it real by having everyone over to the Gasthof zur Gemutlichkeit. No readers, that's not me coughing up a hairball. The Gasthof is a great restaurant / german hall / polka bar that serves up heaping piles of meat, beer in a glass boot (brings new meaning to the term "community"), and snuff up your nose! After several rounds of that darn boot, followed by a shot of apple something-or-other, followed by the good 'ol battle cry of "ziggy zaggy, ziggy zaggy, hoi hoi hoi", let's just say I was feeling a little adventurous. After some arm-twisting by Dani, I decided to go all out and try some snuff. If it was good enough for lords and ladies back in the day, surely it was good enough for me. I asked the waitress for a baby snuff, which, I'm pretty sure isn't a real term. She hooked me up, put the piles on the crazy catapult contraption, counted to three and SNIFFFFFFFFFFF. Holy sh*t, mother-f*cker, $#*$&#^%!!! That snuff burned, then cooled, and ended in one grand finale of sneezing. That ended my streak of insanity for the evening, although, I came to realize when I woke up the next morning and blew my nose.....snuff is the gift that keeps on giving.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
The sock monster
Man, every time I have good intentions, they seem to get squashed by something ridiculous. Recently it's been my intention to walk around the lake at *least* twice a week. The first couple of weeks we had severe flooding. For real - flooding in Texas in the middle of summer?? That's about as likely as me passing up a pair of red patent-leather shoes that are half price! So, the monsoons have subsided and I was all ready to go on a walk today with my friend Jenny even thought the heat index today was 100 degrees.
As soon as the 5 o'clock whistle blew, I went to the ladies room to get changed into my gear. That's when I realized the sock monster had paid a visit to my bag. I had ONE freaking sock. WTF? Several thoughts went through my mind. The first being "hmm, can i walk three miles with one sock?", which then switched to "crap, maybe they sell socks downstairs?", which eventually switched to "i can't figure out the logistics - where would I change? I think I'll stay in the air conditioning on my sofa and write about this in my blog".
I had to make the call to Jen to tell her I wasn't going to make it. She then tried to convince me that all would be cool - I should just go to REI and buy some socks and change in my car. I argued that I have no window-tinting AND that I was parked in a public lot (helloooo!?) thinking she'd totallly get it. I forgot, however, that she changes in her car (a tiny convertible) all the time (uh, how?). Anyway, I told her I would not do this, and besides, she didn't want to wait for me to buy the damn socks and head on over. From now on, I'll not only carry an extra set of clothes in my car (honestly, you never know when they may come in handy, for a variety of occasions), but I think I'll also carry an entire package of socks just to be safe.
Monday, August 6, 2007
What tha??
Maybe if I'm lucky, my sweater will magically get replaced with THIS! Now that's what I call "sassy".
Tiny girl in a teeny sweater
Although this blog is entitled "Champagne Taste on a beer budget", don't let me fool you dear readers. There is nothing I enjoy better than finding a good sale. So when I hit up the Gap a few weeks ago, I thought I'd struck gold in finding a tissue-thin sweater (in white) for $10.00. Not only had I been searching for a sweater exactly like this all summer, but $10?? Ah, the shopping Gods were smiling upon me that day.
However, I must have done something to royally piss them off because, after wearing the sweater non-stop all week (it's the perfect thing to wear over a dress or strappy top to work), I ended up leaving it in the trunk of Jim's car. Although he would say (and may even think) that I left the sweater there on purpose just to have an excuse to go back to his place, this logic only works if i LIVED IN TOWN. But since I don't, this was obviously a totally legit mistake.
Now comes the tragic part. Jim, being the dear dear friend that he is, decided to wash my sweater before sending it back. A lovely gesture if he knew anything at all about washing delicate items such as this lovely $10 sweater. Turns out he doesn't. He apparently shrunk the shit out of my sweater, and now the Gap isn't even carrying this item anymore. At this point, it's not even fun to make him feel bad about it and guilt him into sending me another because they're all gone!
I guess it could have been worse - I could have left my favorite pair of shoes at the hotel!
However, I must have done something to royally piss them off because, after wearing the sweater non-stop all week (it's the perfect thing to wear over a dress or strappy top to work), I ended up leaving it in the trunk of Jim's car. Although he would say (and may even think) that I left the sweater there on purpose just to have an excuse to go back to his place, this logic only works if i LIVED IN TOWN. But since I don't, this was obviously a totally legit mistake.
Now comes the tragic part. Jim, being the dear dear friend that he is, decided to wash my sweater before sending it back. A lovely gesture if he knew anything at all about washing delicate items such as this lovely $10 sweater. Turns out he doesn't. He apparently shrunk the shit out of my sweater, and now the Gap isn't even carrying this item anymore. At this point, it's not even fun to make him feel bad about it and guilt him into sending me another because they're all gone!
I guess it could have been worse - I could have left my favorite pair of shoes at the hotel!
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Why can't all weekends be like this?
I had such a good time this weekend, that, sitting here on my sofa today (Sunday) is a bit depressing because that means it's time for another work week. My 4-year wedding anniversary is coming up, and to kick-off the festivities appropriately, Lance took me to dinner at my favorite sushi restaurant, Uchi. This place is nothing short of amazing - including the wait. We got there around 7:45 and didn't leave until 11ish. Since we hardly ever eat here (it is slightly pricey), we decided to go all out. This included multiple glasses of wine, an appetizer, several rolls, and the grande finale - dessert! And OMG, the dessert was intense. Wasabi-chocolate mousse type-thing with pistachio ice cream!! I didn't even know I liked pistachio ice cream!
My parents came to town on Saturday to deliver a gift for us (for our anniversary). They made us hide out in the bedroom while they brought it into the house. When we came out (eyes closed) and opened our eyes, sitting in front of us was a FABULOUS bar!! How cool is that?? Best gift ever. We found a spot for it in the living room, and now anyone who feels compelled for a shot of tequila can just grab one from their seat! Yay! After a great dinner, my parents left and Lance and I headed down to Mohawk to meet up with friends and watch a show. The opening band was awesome -- and I really wish I had upgraded my phone so I could have taken a decent video of these guys. The lead singer (the band was Mark Mallman) not only played his leg (aka electric guitar), but he did a great karate kick and humped his keyboard. It was awesome.
Today I spent most of my day lounging on the sofa. I did get motivated enough to go check out Strut, which is a great store that opened up a new location just minutes from me! To continue the great weekend, I found two really cute and extremely affordable dresses. Not wanting my luck to run out (or to melt in the heat), I drove home with my treasures and took a nap on the sofa. Ahhhhhh.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Whiskey - Briefs = My Thursday Night
Tonight I'm headed out to see my brother's friends band play at the Whiskey Bar. I haven't been to the Whiskey Bar since I was like 25, and my only recollection of this place is of a stacked waitress serving beer out of a big bucket. Let's hope they've made some improvements since my last visit. Tonight should be very different from my last Thursday night out, which I spent at the ever-popular DC hangout, Cobalt . I'm guessing there will be no Battle of the Briefs tonight. Wah.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)